Archives for May 2012

I don’t want to exercise

May 31, 2012 by

I don’t want to exercise
I just wanna be a smaller size
I’ve tried everything and I’ve realised
My waist will not be hypnotised

I haven’t run – what I’ve done is fuck all
My gut hangs inches over my buckle
The pants I buy are labelled ‘L’
as in ‘Lard’ or ‘Lead’ or ‘Fed quite Well’

My belly is jelly one minute then solid
My flat’s full of crap from the takeaway – squalid
Getting caught with the thought of a jog makes me shiver
I’d walk to the pizza place – but they deliver

I don’t want to exercise
I just wanna be a smaller size
There’s gotta be an easier way to do it
Sennakot and a pot and I just sit and poo it ?

It’s important I oughtn’t ignore my inflation
My waist’s got the taste for some exaggeration
No lotion or potion or pill’s going to cut it
(Must) take hold of my cake hole I’ve just got to shut it

Hear It !

Filed Under: Doggerel

Squirrel Party

May 18, 2012 by

The squirrels invited the pigeons
To a party, they said “Come in grey
We’ve invited along all the foxes
And Scruffy the neighbourhood stray”

“We’ll see you at seven / half seven
You don’t want to miss the buffet
There’s chicken we found at eleven last night
that had only been there for a day”

The pigeons were really excited
They fluttered and flapped and they cooed
I don’t think they thought about foxes
And what they consider is food

The pigeons arrived at half seven
The foxes were fashionably late
But instead of a nice bit of chicken
It was all of the pigeons they ate

The squirrels were rather embarrassed
(And covered in feathers and beak)
But the foxes were quite unrepentant:
“Let’s do this at our place next week !”

Filed Under: Doggerel Tagged With: , , , , ,

Gone to the Dogs

May 14, 2012 by

Last week, in news we don’t really care about, a dog called Pudsey won a TV talent contest. Pudsey is the name of a one eyed teddy bear that raises money for children. Judging by its eye patch, I like to imagine it’s a pirate, stealing money from Portuguese ships bring gold back from the New World … but it might just be a stuffed bear.

A dog named after a bear,
(Not a real one but one that is stuffed,)
has more talent than all of the country ?
I can’t bear it I’ve just had enough

Filed Under: Doggerel Tagged With: , , ,